Hi Webbers,
I hope your weekend is going fantastic! I have my final
paper to write to graduate from my RMT Core 200 training. This training has
been phenomenal. It has advanced my coaching career immensely.
My final paper really isn’t a paper. I chose to go with a
more modern approach and write a blog post. This has to be about a concept or strategy
I learned in units 5-9. I am also incorporating a bit of the less modern
approach as well. This will also contain my research on a subject that interest
me and about my findings and how part of this work will be incorporated into my
practice.
In RMT (Robbins-MadanesTraining) core 200 mastery unit 6 -1.
We learn about the use of archetypes. Under this study we learn we can all
change. However we must want to and be willing to do what is necessary to
change and find a new way. We must discover our resources. We then leverage our
resources. One way is to make use of our archetypes.
Archetypes are characters that appear in myths and are
contained in each of us. These are based on four Jungian archetypes. I will
touch on them briefly and what each represent.
The Warrior – Action and strength.
The Magician – Humor and imagination.
The Lover – Deep connection.
The Sovereign – Vision and purpose.
My client for this purpose is real life. Unfortunately it is
my daughter Avery. My wife and I struggled for months. We had thoughts of the
worst. We went to the doctor multiple times and were told that she just needed
to be away from mom and dad. I am sure you want to know what the problem was or
is? The problem was that we could not leave her alone for a minute without a
meltdown. For those of you that do not know what a meltdown is. It is a total
breakdown of uncontrollable screaming crying, full on panic for about 15
minutes even when the event is over. Now before these episodes we could leave
her anywhere alone or not. At this time she was 3 years old.
My first event with this was trying to leave in the morning.
I went to the car as usual and was loading up my car to get ready to go to work
and drop Avery off at the baby sitters. As I did I can hear her screaming and
clawing at the door to get out. I am like what the hell is going on. I go in
and she says you are going to leave me. I said no I was loading up the car like
I said. However it was like she didn’t even hear me. I was like wow what the
hell. Now you may ask. Maybe she didn’t know I was going out. We have a very clear
communication. I get down to her level and speak right to her. We also have a
very large picture window and glass door that she can see me at my car. After
the episode I loaded her up and dropped her off our sitter my wife’s mom. I
called the wife to discuss with her. She said she didn’t know and maybe it
would pass.
On that weekend we did our normal grocery shopping in which
we do as a family. Then we get home and it is time to put the groceries away. I
put Avery in the house and tell her we are bringing in the groceries and does
she want to watch a movie. She melts down and just wants to be held. Needless
to say I did a poor job of controlling myself. I got angry and sat her on the
couch and told her to stay there. That did not work well at all. It actually
made it worse. Needless to say we all were in turmoil with each other. When we
all cooled down. The wife and I talked and of course both of us went to the
worst thought imaginable. We started looking at all sort of scenarios. We
discussed different options. I was at a loss. I used the resource I knew as a
parent form the example I was shown as a child by my parents and that was to
just yell and scream and demonstrate anger. We all know how well that worked…
In case you didn’t follow along it went horrible. I felt bad and guilty from
it. My wife felt threatened and confused. Avery was now worst off then if I had
just let the episode go. I said there has to be a better way.
The next episode occurred at My wife’s Deb mom’s house. Her
mom went out to get the mail. She exited by her back porch door. Avery was with
her cousin who is 5 and started to have her meltdown and said she needed her
Vasvous (what we call her grandmother). Her cousin did what any other child
would do with a crying child opened the back door and let her out. Well Avery
went down the porch stairs and around the garage as her vasvous came back in
her front door. This left Avery #1 on the driveway and #2 with about 25 feet to
a very busy main road. Luckily vasvous walked in and asked where Avery was and
her cousin said outside and she caught her before anything worse can happen.
Well you can imagine the phone call from the wife. We immediately
were at the doctors that afternoon discussing the situation. Our doctor is a
very good pediatrician and respect his advice. He said this was normal and we should
get her involved in more activities. We tried some and it was not helping and
making it worse.
This went on for a few more weeks. I was listening to this
part of my course on Archetypes and following one of Tony Robbins lectures and
it hit my why not try giving her an Archetype to use. My wife thought I was
absolutely crazy when we discussed it.
I sat with my daughter and we talked about magical magicians
and princesses and how much I loved her. Most of all how she was my Jade (her
warrior) we played little games reinforcing each Archetype all week. We sat
that Saturday and talked about how strong Jade was and I anchored that to her.
Now we had all the ground work done. I asked her to be Jade for a moment while
I went to my car. She asked if she could see me even though she was Jade I said
of course. I went to the car and came back. There was a little bit of emotion
and I reinforced her as Jade and that everything was okay. We have exercised
this now for a year.
This weekend as I was preparing to type this paper up my
wife and daughter had decided to take a day off during the week and my wife had
the need to vacuum her car and had to leave Avery inside for a bit. Avery’s
response was go head momma I will just be Jade and be okay!
My other client was a young man who was eight years old and
had a fear of going to first floor restroom at night or traveling up and down
the stairs alone. We have used the same process and have gained similar
results. His pattern is a little more of a habit and we are working on changing
it.
These have not been my only successes, as I have had the chance
to work with many children more with the martial arts than with coaching.
However I would always have them take on a warrior type character to get
through a challenge. I had just never viewed it as a useable tool outside of
martial arts. This has changed my thoughts on many of the tools that we use in
martial arts and how they can be expanded and used outside of their normal
place.
One thing I have learned as I worked with this strategy was
that I cannot let my feelings and thoughts override my clients.
That’s is all I have for this weekend webbers. If you have
any comments on what is contained in this entry please email:
info@aionnh.com
Till next time remember to live your life by design.
T
Live Life by Design.
Tim Thomas
Personal Coach
Aion
A Life by Design Company
PO Box
4327
Manchester,
NH 03108
Tel: 603-682-4980
Sites you can find us on:
My daughter made me so proud yesterday. She had a purse full of coins and I asked her to borrow a quarter and she gladly gave it. Proud moment for me that 4 years old she is willing to help with nothing in return. I had to reward for her kindness so we went and fetched her a present.
